A Thank You Roast To Recap NYFW 2016

Thank you, NYFW. Thanks for the laughs, the tears, and the confounded looks plastered on our faces. How can we resist your ridiculous contributions to pop culture? You’re like a weeklong VMAs for couture snobs. You encourage the eccentricities of PornHub and Kanye West, but we do enjoy the hilarious results. Now, in your honor, we would like to recount our favorite moments of insanity from the past week. NYFW, forever!
1. That Time PornHub Sponsored a Fashion Show

Hood By Air’s collaboration with PornHub may not have been your idea, but you let it happen. This makes you complicit in our aversion and shock. Grateful isn’t the right word, but we certainly do tip our sticky hats to your entertainment genius. We get that fashion and sex are indelibly intertwined. We too try to wear flattering clothes when in search of a hookup. Yet, you let them play those orchestral orgasm noises for a whole fifteen minutes before the models came out. Then, they smeared the models with Vaseline. Isn’t innuendo supposed to be subtle? We digress. In summary, you let a lot of disgusting, terrific things happen on the Hood By Air runway. (This was so absurd, it deserved its own article.)
2. That Time Marc Jacobs Used Faux Dreadlocks

You do controversy so well, NYFW. Just when we thought all you could think up was some sexual perversity, you let Marc Jacobs’ models march across the runway in questionable Etsy toupee. Did you forget how easily 21st century Americans get offended? We did appreciate the show. The deep indigo lights and the soft, pronounced color schemes were pretty damn dreamy. That’s how we like our 90s renaissance, dream-like and fun. David Bowie would have been so proud of those platform shoes. Marc Jacobs applauded the 90s so well. Why did you have to interrupt our nostalgia to cause a race quibble? You can be so frustrating sometimes. Some controversies are no fun. You really should learn the difference.
3. That Time Bella Hadid Reminded Us Heels Are a Bitch

Sometimes you are funny. Sometimes you are foolish. Then, there are the times you are just plain cruel. Why Bella Hadid? She looked great in the glittering black dress with chiffon sleeves. You didn’t have to trip her. Oh, you didn’t? Did she trip over her own two feet? Here we were about to thank you for the hilarity of models tripping down runways. Well, no matter who was responsible, we had a good laugh. Well done.*
*Horrible heels seemed to be a trend the more we watched you, NYFW. You must enjoy watching models trip as much as we do.*
4. That Time Kanye West Was Kanye West

Tim Gunn is really just fed up with this one. We would be too, but we had too good a laugh about it all to be grumpy. You really should just go and read The Tale of an Ego Who Believed He Could if you want to uncover what happened when Kanye took over Roosevelt Park. If you’re too lazy to click a link, we can list off a few buzzwords. Fainting models, late invitations, frustrating heels, the Kardashians. You should thank NYFW for this egotistical gem.
NYFW, we salute you. We’ve had great fun with you this week. We’ll take some time now to digest all you’ve shown us. When you return in January, we’ll be ready. (Take a look at the designs we liked here.)